Healing The Heart

“As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.”
‭‭John‬ ‭9‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I am so grateful for this walk God has given me with Morgan. Through it, He is continuing to help me grow in my relationship with Him each day. He is forever teaching me what I thought I knew, But Didn’t. 😉

Morgan & Mom sharing some original songs and stories at Nashville Coffees

Recently, our pastor presented a message about serious faith, like that of the centurion in Luke chapter seven. He sent his request to Jesus, “I’m not worthy to come to you or for you to come under my roof, but JUST SAY THE WORD and my servant will be healed.” His faith even Amazed Jesus. The centurion returned home to see his servant healed.

This brings me to a situation I’ve faced on more than a one occasion. Someone, who is very well intended, tells me if I had enough faith, my child would be healed. A while back, when I brought this up to my pastor, he said “Well, bless their heart.” 😉❤️

I don’t say this to offend anyone. It’s something I’ve had to reconcile with myself, my understanding of faith and trust. I remember in my early years of parenting, someone telling me an issue they were facing with their child. I flippantly said “I just pray.” Now I realize how that may have come across, that maybe I thought they weren’t praying enough. Wow, as believers, we really have to be thoughtful about our words.

In Hebrews chapter eleven, we are told “without faith, it is impossible to please God”. I know and believe the importance of faith. God’s ways and thoughts are higher than ours, so I trust He is always working in ways I cannot see. It’s not just about Morgan, or me. It’s about a plan that’s So Much Bigger than any one of us. And yet, it’s about His Love for each and every one of us.

I do believe in miracles, BIG and small. Over the years, I’ve prayed for others and myself. I’ve felt the prayers of family and friends. I’ve seen the physical results of prayer first hand. I have no doubt when it’s God’s will to heal, He does.

I’ve prayed countless times for hard things to be removed. Still do. The truth is, no matter how fervent our faith is, sometimes we don’t get the physical results we long to see here. We’re told Jesus prayed for a cup to pass, but trusted His Father’s will. What if He didn’t? What if He hadn’t gone to that cross? Where would we be? Jesus knew His Father’s Love for Him. I know God’s perfect love for me. So therefore, I TRUST His will for me.

What If He Didn’t?

There was a time when my number one prayer was physical healing for Morgan. I still pray against the things she struggles with, but now I understand, it’s our hearts that need healing the most.

Until Next Time,

Know The Hope!

Tammy

A Sibling Perspective by Allison Milam

A Note From Mom – I remember all the attempts Allison made to connect with Morgan in their younger years, with very little reciprocation. My hope has always been for my daughters to somehow be able to build a solid sister bond with each other. With six years, fourteen hundred miles, and a wall of autism between them, that hope still sits on the top of my list. ❤️🙏 These days, Morgan talks about Allison a lot, when she’s away. She tells me things to tell her. She talks about wanting to visit her and Jabe at their “new old house”. Although Morgan still stumbles and struggles to interact with Allison directly, I see her desire to. I see the knowledge and understanding Allison has gained over the years, and I am grateful. It takes two to dance, and I do believe they are both closer to learning the steps of a sweet sister dance that is uniquely there own.

Allison’s Perspective – As Morgan’s sister, I have had my world view expanded. She taught me to see diversity in others and to practice patience and understanding because you never know what someone is going through. When she was diagnosed with autism when I was around 9, it didn’t change how I saw her. She was just my quirky sister that I connected with not in the typical ways of late-night girl talks but in singing silly songs together. However, if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have been exposed to the wonderful and complex world of autism. When I began to meet others that supposedly had the same diagnosis as her, I was at first shocked and confused to see how none of them were really like her but how they all still felt similar. I fell in love with trying to figure out how to communicate and teach each one because they were all so different. This set me on a career path that started when I was a teenager and has continued into my mid 30’s of working in the special education field. This career choice has come with A LOT of ups and downs but has also made me into the person I am today…. someone who wants to help people by finding ways to customize supports to meet their needs while showing kindness and understanding. If it wasn’t for Morgan and her gift of autism, I don’t know what I would be doing with my life right now.

Sister Dinner Date

Morgan has also taught me what it means to be unselfish, as it is common knowledge for most individuals on the spectrum that they unashamedly assume the world revolves around them. You can’t be mad at them for that though because it comes with having social skills deficits. With that being said, I had to learn to put myself aside to meet her unique needs and strange demands as this would bring her joy. I also feel a responsibility though to use my special education knowledge to help push her and help her grow into experiencing the fullest potential for her life. My sisterly relationship with Morgan is at times more like a motherly one. I try to be careful of this though and remain as more of her sister since she already has a wonderful mother and needs a different connection with me.

So, thank you Morgan for helping me learn more of what it means to love others for who they truly are and for expanding the way that I see the world and helping me find a sense of passion and purpose for my life.

Love you sister!

Allison

Love you dearly Allison. ❤️ Thank you for sharing.

Mom

What The King Didn’t Know

“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭12‬ ‭ESV‬‬

As the parent of an adult child with disabilities, I’ve experienced a Whole Lot of Love, but I’ve also seen a Ton of Injustice over the years. The song idea for “What The King Didn’t Know” came to me after seeing those who are powerful repeatedly neglecting, bullying, and abusing sweet, powerless souls.

James 1:27 calls us to look after those who cannot take care of themselves. In my frustration, I cried and questioned and prayed. God reminded me of the story of King Herod and the Christ child. That king had no idea who he was messing with. ❤️

One little baby, laid in a manger

I find my peace and my HOPE in knowing I serve a God who is All Powerful, but is not without compassion.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tested in every way as we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews‬ ‭4‬:‭15‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

God sent His own Son as a baby, fully divine, yet fully human, to experience every injustice we have and more. He knows the heart of every man. I rest in the fact that one day nothing will be hidden, and He will ultimately right every wrong. Below are the lyrics to the song.

What The King Didn’t Know

One little baby, laid in a manger

Two knelt beside Him while angels sang

Three came the wise men. Then Herod, the stranger

vowed he had plans for the small Nazarene

But the king didn’t know the Power of God

How the meek get their strength from the Staff and the Rod

Where that little child lead, wise men still follow

‘Cause we can believe in, what the king didn’t know

Herod passed on, but Christ lives Forever

In every heart of those born again

Deaths Keys were snatched from the Master Deceiver

Salvation was given to mere mortal man

But the king didn’t know the Power of God

How the meek get their strength from the Staff and the Rod

Where that little child lead, wise men still follow

‘Cause we can believe in, what the king didn’t know

We must remember when we’re feeling small

The One who is with us, will Rise Above All

But the king didn’t know the Power of God

How the meek get their strength from the Staff and the Rod

Where that little child lead, wise men still follow

‘Cause we can believe in, what the king didn’t know

Yes, we can believe in, what the king didn’t know

Tammy Vice (c) 2000 J Rees music BMI

 

Two knelt beside Him, while angels sang

Remember, whenever you’re feeling small, whenever you feel like you’re not enough, I Corinthians 1:26 – 31 tells us that God chooses those who are overlooked and underestimated by the world, so that no one can boast in themselves.

Until Next Time,

Know The Hope!

Tammy

Let’s Just Do Today

“Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:34‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

Autism’s cousins are anxiety and OCD. Add the end of summer, pedal to the metal scheduling, returning to fall activities, and before long we are all hyperventilating. Every year that this season comes around, I have to remind myself that we don’t have to be present at every gathering.

Morgan checking her September calender

We are a family of planners. As I sat down with my mom for a visit recently, she pulled out her calendar. It had brightly colored highlighted circles on most of the days. I find myself checking my phone calendar regularly, still being surprised by upcoming events. And both of my girls are attached to their calendars.

Morgan has an ongoing list of dates she is looking forward to, and items she needs when she gets there. She becomes agitated when dwelling on things that are too far off. So. Do. I. When I feel like the ball is rolling out from under us, I call a break. We have both been working on this skill for a long time. We take a few deep breaths and say “Let’s Just Do Today”.

Fall Practice – S’mores in the backyard

Our backyard is the perfect “Just Do Today” spot. No calendars. No planners. Just calm, quiet, shady time.

To all our friends, Hope you’re able to get s’more backyard time this Fall.

Autumn Hugs! 🍁 🤗

Know The Hope,

Tammy

Mailing Memories to Maine

“Start living now. Stop saving the good china for that special occasion. Stop withholding your love until that special person materializes. Every day you are alive is a special occasion. Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.” Mary Manin Morrissey

This summer, we had the chance to visit Allison and her husband, Jabe. Morgan was excited to see them and their “new old house”, a beautiful home in Bucksport, Maine.

“New Old House” Backyard View

They kept us busy touring the towns of Bucksport, Belfast, and Bangor. But mostly, it was just good to see their faces and get some hugs. ❤️ We can see why they love the area. We collected some sweet memories from our visit there.

Allison and Jabe in Belfast

Right now they are busy with a serious kitchen renovation. Since Allison’s birthday is coming up, we thought she’d enjoy receiving her Mamaw Vice’s china for the new kitchen. Morgan supervised, while I gathered all the pieces to take to the “Brown Truck Store”. Soon, Allison will be “Waiting on a Brown Truck”

Kazooing Allison a Happy Birthday!

When Dad came in and saw the dishes being packed, he said it reminded him of Mamaw Vice’s gumbo. He would always try to grab a large serving bowl for his portion. Mamaw would get on to him, and hand him a regular bowl. 😂 We hope Allison and Jabe enjoy making new memories with it soon.

Until Next Time,

Know The Hope!

Tammy

It Ain’t All Autism

“I praise You. For I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works and that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:14 NKJV

Recently, Morgan began to get grumpier, specifically with me. Every interaction brought a harsh response. I noticed she was also having more trouble following through with simple directions. From past experience, this is usually a sign she’s in pain, sick, or about to be. Sure enough, after a couple of days, she began to complain, saying there was an “airplane in her ear”. A checkup revealed an ear infection. The day after beginning treatment, she was back to her normal, lovable grumpy, self. 😉

I used to blame everything on autism. Time, experience, and a very wise developmental pediatrician have taught me not to give autism so much credit. All behavior is NOT autistic behavior. It is just a piece of Morgan’s makeup. She is So Much More than that. Viewing everything through the lens of autism not only limits my ability to help her. It limits her possibilities.

Ms. Morgan’s Sunday Best

Like each and every one of us, Morgan is remarkably made. She is an opinionated young woman, with a strong personality. She is creative and imaginative. While autism plays a partial role, bringing her unique strengths and weaknesses, it’s far from the whole picture. Each experience, each challenge and opportunity she’s given by those of us who see her as MORE, continues to help her grow.

Until Next Time,

Know The Hope!

Tammy

Music, Rhyme, Memory and Time

My earliest memories are of sitting at my grandmother’s dining table, thumbing through the pages of her Family Bible, looking at the beautiful pastel pictures while she cooked in the kitchen, whistling old hymns. Some of my strongest memories have always been intertwined with music. Grandma Edmonds Daily Bread

“God is great. God is good. Let us thank Him for our food.” “Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep,…” As a child, I learned these rhyming prayers. I passed them on to my girls, holding them in my lap and repeating the prayers, even before they spoke their first words. When Morgan was diagnosed with autism at age 3, she lost her meaningful language for many years, but these prayers remained in her memory. Morgan, saying a prayer for her birthday cake .

A few years ago I got together with some young adults with disabilities in our church to form a choir. We sang Christmas Carols in the church hall to bring joy to the members passing by. The music was well received. Soon after, we added patriotic songs and old hymns to our repertory. We began singing at nursing homes and community events. This group has been a blessing to me and all those who hear them.

Weekley Hall Singers Memorial Day Tribute

During Vacation Bible School, our pastor challenged all the kids to learn the books of the Bible. I felt sure some of our young adults would also be able to do it, given the support they needed. The song below was written to help our young adults meet the challenge. It was cowritten with my friend, John Swaim We wanted something a little more grown up to get their attention and get them excited about learning ALL 66 books. 🙂 They enjoyed learning it and were successful. We hope you’ll listen, challenge yourself, and share with others. Thank you for checking it out.

66 Book of the Bible

66 Books of the Bible

Music and rhyme are wonderful tools for teaching. They make memories that last a lifetime.

Until Next Time,

Know The Hope!

Tammy

Mom’s Caregiver

“The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭118:14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I am so grateful God allowed me to be a mom, because it has given me a much deeper understanding of His love and care for me.

I have two daughters, ages 34 and 28. If either of them truly has a need, there’s nothing, within my power, I wouldn’t do to provide encouragement and support.

Me and My Girls

Allison is a fully independent adult now. I’m delighted whenever she calls to update me on her latest adventures and asks for my thoughts and prayers. Autism has kept Morgan my forever child. She requires a full time caregiver. Two of the biggest challenges for Morgan, and many others on the autism spectrum, are communication and social skills.

When you are providing care for someone who isn’t always able to communicate their needs, and doesn’t have the social skills to respond appropriately to disappointment, it can be very daunting at times. I am always walking that tightrope of challenging Morgan to be her best, and giving her grace for behaviors that I believe are beyond her ability to control. On most days, she rises above the challenges. ❤️ On her hardest days, regardless of my best human efforts to meet her needs, anxiety and OCD can bring on panic and a meltdown.

On my hardest days, when I catch myself dwelling on the negatives, the what ifs, and my heart starts to pound out of my chest with fear of tomorrow’s unknowns, I don’t have the words to speak in my prayers. But the beauty of God being my caregiver, is that He knows me inside out. He is able to interpret my cries. He knows my every need. He reminds me that He Has given me the ability to control my thoughts. He challenges me, corrects me, and gives me grace just when I need it most. He calms me and gives me hope.

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:26‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I am so amazed that we can simply speak to God anytime we wish, that He is there to listen and meet the deepest needs of our hearts. The song below was written by John Swaim and myself. Hope it brings you the joy and strength you need for this day.

Ordinary Day on Youtube

To sum it all up, as hard as some days can be, the best days outweigh them by far. I’ll say it again. I’m grateful to be a mom, and a caregiver. And I am eternally grateful for my Caregiver.

In closing, I’d like to leave you with a smile from Morgan & Mom on one of our daily drives.

“He who has ears to hear, let him hear!” Matthew 11:15 NKJV

Recent Car Navigation Conversation: Morgan and I use Siri to deliver meals on wheels. Part of her job is to call out the street number to Siri, then I call out the street. I decided to challenge her this week to start saying the street names. Turns out Siri was the one who was challenged.

Me, pointing to S. Valley Rd. – “Say South Valley Road”
Morgan – “Salley Valley Road”
Siri – “I could be a little off…”
Me, pointing again – “Say South Valley Road”
Morgan – “Salley Vath Road”
Siri – spinning, no reply
Me – laughing hard and writing the word “South”
Morgan, getting it perfect “South Valley Road”
Me- still laughing in the background.
Siri – “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”
Morgan – “Mom’s fault” 🤣 ❤️

Know The Hope!

Tammy

Music To Our Ears

“Music is the universal language of mankind.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

For communication and education, music is a wonderful facilitator. Songwriting has been a great way for Morgan and I to connect and for her to increase her vocabulary. We write about whatever she’s excited about at the time. I love to hear her perspective. She has such a unique way of phrasing things. When she sees me writing down her words, it encourages her to continue sharing.

I’m not joking when I say songwriting is also my therapy. It’s a musical journaling of our family’s story; the hurts, hopes, and lessons learned. It’s always a privilege to share the songs and stories with those who are there with a listening ear. We appreciate you!

After two years of Hitting the Brakes, we are back on April 12th for the 19th Annual Breaking The Chains Benefit to support Autism Tennessee. We are grateful to the Bluebird Cafe’ for partnering with us all these years.

Morgan Vice, cutting the ribbon to open the show

One of the biggest challenges for individuals on the autism spectrum (and the rest of the world lately) is meaningful communication. As the world’s best “listening room”, the Bluebird has always been the perfect venue to share our message of autism awareness. Music carries words to a place they’re unable to travel alone.

Writers joining myself for the early show are John Swaim, Stephen Lee Veal and Suzi Ragsdale. We’ll also feature Morgan Vice and Logan Blade, a young man on the autism spectrum. He’s a man of few words who finds his voice through the music.

The late show will be hosted by our dear friend Les Kerr. Other writers joining him are Wood Newton, Devon O’Day, and Casey Kelly. Many thanks to all the writers for sharing their time and talent.

We hope you’ll join us on April 12th. Reservations are open online only, one week prior to the show on The Bluebird Cafe’ website .

Until Next Time,

Know The Hope!

Tammy

If I Can’t Say Something Nice…

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Ephesians‬ ‭4:29‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Some people may see me as having endless patience for Morgan. The truth is, time and experience have given me a better understanding of the challenges of her disability. I’ve learned that she responds much better to positive input rather than negative. When I encourage her and expect better from her, she often rises to the occasion. Years in the School of Morgan have helped me see how much my tone of voice and my choice of words matter to her progress.

Love always prompts me to believe the best. I readily look for all the possible reasons behind any negative behaviors, so I can support Morgan to be her personal best… But that hasn’t always been my first response with other folks, who I think “should know better”.

Recently, I had an Ahah moment after reading Ephesians 4:29. One translation even offers the term, “worthless words”. Being human means we all have struggles and challenges that can bring out less than perfect behavior at times. When that happens, am I going to offer worthless words, or the needed words of grace and encouragement to lift others back up?

I wear a puzzle pin, but not for the reason you may think. Many people see it as a symbol for autism. But for me, it is a reminder that each of us are uniquely created on purpose, for a purpose. We are each made differently to fill a space that only we are meant to fill.

We all grow and learn at a different pace. Hearing the rights words at the right time, when we’re finally ready to receive them, can help move us closer to our sweet spot. And that sweet spot is where we can be our best to help others.

As Thumper would say,
“If you can’t say something nice. Don’t say nothing at all.“

Until Next Time,

Know The Hope!

Tammy