communication, Love, Uncategorized

What Did You Say?

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen Covey

Recently I attended a women’s retreat in Alabama. The highlight for me was a conversation that happened because one of the speakers, Tammy Tkach, challenged us to listen to others without interrupting.  She said let someone else tell you their story, and even though you may be tempted to interject yours, don’t.  Just listen.

During a break, I looked across the table, and there sat Marguerite.  I asked where she was from.  She said, Baton Rouge.  I nodded, kept my mouth shut, and continued to listen.  She grew up south of Baton Rouge.  She met her husband, while in college there, and moved to the area.  I smiled, leaned in, and kept listening.  She had taught middle school for 30 plus years, and is now retired.

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know.  But if you listen, you may learn something new.” Dalai Lama 

Next came the gem of her story.  She told me other teachers would always ask her why her students were so well behaved, why they followed her directions, and stayed in line.  She said it was simple.  When someone was misbehaving, she didn’t yell at them across the room.  She motioned them to come to her.  She would have a private conversation with them, asking them to tell her what they were doing wrong.  She asked them why they were doing it, to help them think about what they had done.  Then she would say,  “Now are you going to do that again?”  This gave them the opportunity to make their own decision and be responsible for their actions.  As she shared, I could hear the love and respect she had for each child, the lesson of respecting others she was passing on to them.

“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” Bryant H. McGill

Thank you Tammy, for the challenge.  Thank you Marguerite, for your story.  A great lesson for this mom who is always learning.

Until Next Time,

Know The Hope!

Tammy

 

 

 

 

 

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caregivers, faith, family, joy, Love, Uncategorized

Nothing Up Her Sleeve

“And we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and the one who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him.” 1 John 4:16

When I was young, some of my favorite memories were spending time at my grandma’s house.  There was nothing extraordinary about the visits.  Every day was pretty much the same. She was either cooking, washing, cleaning, chasing my cousins and me, tending to my aunt Laura Mae, or ironing clothes for “customers”.

Grandma Edmonds was a “One Woman Show”.  She kept one of those big old family bibles open on her kitchen table.  I’d see her sit down from time to time to sift through it quietly.  Come to think of it, that was the only time I remember seeing her pause from her labor.  Day in and day out, that was her life.  Even with all the busyness, there was a peace in her house.  I loved thumbing through the pages of that old bible, looking at all the pictures, hearing her whistle old hymns from the kitchen, while she baked.   I felt safe.  I felt loved.  The song below was written about those memories.

Grandma Edmonds’ Daily Bread

    Grandma Edmonds' BibleFamily Bible 1 John 4

Pictured above – Grandma Edmonds’ Family Bible

Before all of us grandkids came along, Grandma Edmonds had raised my mom, and four other children, on her own.  Her daughter, Laura Mae, had physical and intellectual disabilities, due to spinal meningitis.  It was clear to see that caring for Laura Mae was a labor of love for my grandma.  I remember her speaking softly and sweetly to her, while she fed her.  She’d tell her how pretty she was when she combed her hair.  She’d gently rub her arms and legs to relax her muscles.  Laura Mae was safe.  Laura Mae was loved.

“There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, … We love God because He first loved us.”    1 John 4:18,19

Laura Mae ChairLaura Mae and Mamaw

My Aunt Laura Mae

Laura Mae Bed

From my grandma, I learned the value of every life.  I learned that I can do whatever I need to do, with joy.  I understand that nothing is accomplished by wishing, but prayer and little elbow grease can bring about some amazing outcomes.  There are no fairies, but there are plenty of angels among us.  The stories in that old bible are not fairytales.  They are practical, factual, powerful words of life.  There was no magic up my grandma’s sleeve.  Although, Love IS a miracle.

Until Next Time,

Know The Hope!

Tammy

 

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family, Uncategorized

A Cardinal, A Squirrel, And a Wake Up Call

“Call your mother. Tell her you love her. Remember, you’re the only person who knows what her heart sounds like from the inside.” ~Rachel Wolchin

Recently, I was on the phone with my mom.  I was in the middle of telling her something I thought was important at the time, and she stopped me to let me know she saw a cardinal and a squirrel on the ground near the bird feeder.  🙂

I love phone calls with my mom. I know there are always going to be a few conversation detours. I hear about her latest trip to the store, if there were any good deals, how friends are doing, and what they’re up to. She’ll tell me which chores she’s gotten done, and how much more there still is to do. During flower season, she keeps me updated on what’s been planted, repotted, and how much rain is in the rain gauge.

I enjoy our Friday morning visits over a cup of coffee, while Morgan chimes in on almost every sentence.  We laugh, shrug, and shake our heads, rarely completing a thought.  We end our visits with a hug, a kiss on the cheek, and a promise to call again soon.

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We celebrate my mom’s 78th birthday this year, and I’m realizing just how important these conversations are, whether they’re about something I need to tell her, or just about a cardinal and a squirrel.  I love you Mom.  I’m blessed to have you here.  Happy Birthday!

 

 

Until Next Time,

Know The Hope!

Tammy

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faith, family, Uncategorized

Fact and Friction

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

We all have our strengths and weaknesses.  They say that opposites attract.  I guess that’s why we are drawn to those who have the strengths we lack.  I tell everyone, in our relationship, I am the gas pedal and Rudy is the brakes.  Without him, I’d have surely gone over a cliff by now.  Without me, he’d still be in the garage; checking the air pressure, the fluid levels,… and going back inside one more time to make sure the coffee pot was turned off. 😉

Some of the things that initially made us crazy about each other almost drove us nuts in those early years of marriage.  I’m still passionately driven, and he’s still painfully cautious, in my estimation.  But time and experience have shown us, that together, our differences have actually helped keep us between the ditches.  I’m thankful we’ve stayed on this relationship road trip long enough to learn from life’s detours, laugh at our Griswold moments, and take in all the breathtaking scenery.

I love this guy with all my heart, even when he’s a Big Old Eeyore.  We’ll celebrate our 33rd anniversary this September.  He is the most loving, hard working, caring, hang in there husband and father, you’ll ever know.  Just ask his girls.
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Our first date happened because he needed a little truck to help him move, and I happened to drive one.  I offered.  He asked me to dinner, as a thank you.  If he’d known ahead about some of the sights he was in for on this trip, he probably would have taken off on foot in the other direction.  Maybe that’s why God only lets us see each mile as it comes.  😉

That little truck served us well for a few years.  Rudy’s always wanted another one, but life and family happens.  Several clunkers and mini-vans later, he’s finally found his truck.  It’s not fancy, but it’s solid and dependable for the long haul.  Perfect for him, just like he’s perfect for me.  Happy Anniversary Dad!

Truck for Rudy

Until Next Time,

Know The Hope!

Tammy

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autism, family, Uncategorized

Picking Your Copilot

“Strength lies in differences, not in similarities.” – Dr. Stephen Covey

Mamaw and Papaw will be married 60 years this month.  We gathered at a local airport to celebrate with friends from their Sunday School class.  This location was chosen because they met and worked together at a small county airport back in the 1950’s.  Papaw offered airplane rides for folks, while Mamaw collected the money in a shoe box.

I think my mom and dad are as different as night and day, and maybe that’s what makes things work.  When choosing a copilot, I believe I’d want to have someone on board that has all the strengths that I lack.  It’s even more important when you’re carrying precious cargo.

 

morgan-allison-rudy-november-2016 Dad and our precious cargo

I’m glad I’ve learned a little something from watching my parents marriage, and landed a pretty great copilot myself. 😉 Rudy and I are definitely as different as night and day.  I’ve often said “I’m the gas pedal and he’s the brakes”. We’ve piloted through a few storms over the years, and we’ve been blessed to enjoy some beautiful horizons.  I can’t imagine navigating this life without him.

Love and congratulations to Mamaw and Papaw on their 60th!  As we continue to chart our course, we’re thankful for their example.

anniv-cake Anniversary Cake Painting

Until Next Time,

Know The Hope!

Tammy Vice

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faith, family, Morgan, Uncategorized

A Letter to Morgan’s Maker

Dear Lord,

I say this with the deepest respect.  Well, you did it!  You put someone in my life who can absolutely bring out the worst in me and, when I choose it, the best in me.

Morgan is my joy, and she makes me nuts!  At HER worst, she reminds me of me without You, the me before I knew Your perfect love.  Her worries, anxieties, and “all about me” moments, brought on by her version of autism and OCD, break my heart for her.  In my brokenness, I now find myself more merciful to people, more forgiving of the things I don’t understand.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         quilt heart

Oh, and when Morgan is At Her Best;  When she knows she’s done a good job and says “I’m so proud of me!”, when her joy is bubbling over the top at the simplest things,…When she pauses to speak to You about a need, no matter where she is or what she’s doing.  THIS brings me back to that child like faith that KNOWS, no matter what life throws at me, You’ve got it.

morning-prayer

I’m just not sure I know how to say thank you for that,… for her.

Love,

Her Mom

P.S.  I appreciate Your sense of humor.  On that note, I have a few things I want to discuss with You, and her, when we finally all get to sit down together.

 

 

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Uncategorized

Nickels, Dimes, and Time

It’s been said, if you want to know what really matters to a person, look at their calendar and their checkbook.  Even with the best of intentions, a promise made and not followed through on has no value.  To quote an old country song, love is “Something That We Do“.

calendar  Morgan’s calendar 😉

The other day I received a call from someone very important to me when I had a lot on my mind.  I admit, I wasn’t being an “active listener”.  Afterwards, I had a little gnawing in my gut that nudged me to get back in touch with the things that matter the most.  Thank you gut. 😉

There will always be deadlines to meet and bills to pay.  The people we love will not always be with us.  It’s important to take care of business, but I don’t want to be driven by that.  Relationships are developed and strengthened only by the time we invest in them.

Time is the most precious gift we can give.  Love is a long term investment of one on one moments that will have endless returns.

Until Next Time,

Know The Hope!

Tammy Vice

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